I loved this song because she shared it
she related to it because of her dating woes, as a queer woman
I didn’t know how I fit into that, I just knew I wanted to be with her
maybe it was safer to imagine myself as a “crazy girlfriend”
the subconscious thrives under layers of dead skin
listening again, the lyrics are misogynistic and crude
but it is a good song, and she connected with it, and I connected with her
that really did seem like enough, sometimes it still does
I want it to be enough because I’ve gotten that close, but no closer, so many times
and when you get close it feels like magic and even the bad memories can feel good
peeling away broken, dry skin, paper-white and thin and pulled up like a fitted sheet off a mattress
the pink raw sensations underneath that sting in the air
close, but no closer
I want to break this pattern
fall in love for real, not just with an idea
there I go, again